Since today is Matt and I’s 3 year wedding anniversary I thought it would be a good time to share some tips and tricks of what I’ve learned from marriage. We may have not been married for long, hello never ending honeymoon phase, but we have been together for 9 years. Nine years of learning how to not be selfish, learning how to be an individual within a couple, navigating job changes, living apart, going through major tragedies, medical issues, fertility issues, illness, fighting through rough patches and loving your best friend through it all. We have been through a lot in our 9 years together, some things I would never wish upon my worst enemy. But let me tell you what I’ve learned by being a “we”.
Now let me start this off by giving you a little more insight into who we are, Matt and I are both super independent people, and we both think we are always right. I am very outgoing and have a strong personality, he is more of the strong and silent type. You can see how entertaining this must be when we fight, which we do. I am full blooded Irish with the personality to match, I am outspoken and communicate before thinking a lot. So yes our fights can get heated, but we are learning to let each other cool off before discussing the root of the issue. Luckily we have similar morals and for the most part agree on the same things, so most of our fights, we are fighting the same side, haha.
Okay, now about some tips. To have a successful marriage you don’t have to stop being selfish, YES I just said that. YOU CAN STILL BE SELFISH AND HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. How is this do you wonder, you need to put yourself first, you need to fill your own cup before filling up someone else’s’. I don’t know how many times we’ve all heard the safety speech on an airplane of how you must put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help someone else. This is the same in a marriage, if you are unhappy, overwhelmed, and struggling to get by then most likely your marriage is feeling that. So be a little selfish, if that means you carve time out for “YOU” time whatever that means, do it. I can guarantee your hubby needs that time to himself as well, whether its a workout, or just 30 mins playing on your phone, watching Netflix. DO IT. Your relationship will blossom with having time to yourselves. And yes this means he needs time with his friends and family without you. Girl schedule that girl’s night right now. I believe this is especially important if you have kids as well. Mom and Dad need their alone time together and separate, the babysitter is WORTH THE MONEY. For me being selfish means, getting a workout in daily, and indulging in beauty treatments, having my hair done, eyelashes done, and keeping up with my sugaring makes me feel good, and sexy, and guess what that energy transfers to Matt and our relationship!
While it’s good to put yourself first. Don’t forget about them. You are partners. Do the little things for them. Matt and I are not big about gifts we both rather do the little things every day to show that we care. Matt loves when I set up the coffee maker the night before so his brew is ready to go when he is getting ready for work. He also loves that I bring him homemade breakfasts and lunches. I love that Matt cleans the floors for me. Because I HATE cleaning the floors. I’d rather scrub a toilet. Haha. But for real. Those little things add up that extra hug, kiss, pinch on the butt. Those are things to remind your partner that not only are you best friends but romantic partners. Keeping the spark alive is important as well.
Be their #1 fan and best friend! Yes, you should be jumping to the moon every time they come home with good news. Go ahead and pop that champagne because they got a raise. You are a team, when one of you wins, you both win! You should always have their back! You are the person they first come to with either a win or a fail, you know how to be a best friend, so do it! You are their best friend and confidant, listen to them when they come to you with a problem or a concern. Treat them how you want to be treated, give them advice when they ask, and hold them when they just need to be held. And above all else, never talk badly about them to anyone. I know it is so easy to complain to our girlfriends about that annoying habit, or how your husband screwed up, but that complaining to our girlfriends instead of talking to our partner creates a wedge between you to and it will only keep growing the more you talk badly about your partner. So instead of talking badly about your partner to someone else, talk to them about it, and work on a compromise. Also even if you are trying to get advice, you are only getting advice on one side of the story, no one knows everything going on within your relationship except the two people involved.
Speaking of compromise, try it. I wouldn’t say I am good at it, but I am trying, Matt loves to say we compromise by doing what I want to do. You are now a team, and there is no “I” in team. I always evaluate the situation on how much it means to me, if I feel very strongly about it, I will fight to get my way or find a compromise. If it is something that I don’t care about, or I’m fine with either outcome, then Matt “wins”. It’s not an all or nothing in every situation, but don’t fight on every little thing. No one loves to fight all the time.
It’s okay to go to bed mad, but always kiss goodnight. There have been plenty of nights I have gone to bed pissed as hell at Matt, but we always kiss goodnight. Since I can be quite the hot head, I’ve learned its better for me to calm down before talking about some things. Otherwise I will say things I know I shouldn’t. And just remember, you can’t take back everything you say, words do hurt and your partner will remember. I know you will fight, you aren’t the same person, you won’t agree on everything, but please learn to fight respectfully. The reason I say always kiss goodnight, is physical touch keeps the romance alive, and kisses are very personal and helps to connect the hearts.
So there you go, this is what I’ve learned from 3 years of marriage and 9 years with Matt. Every relationship is different, just like we are all different. So don’t be quick to judge someone else’s’ relationship, especially since you don’t know everything going on behind close doors.
Like I said Matt and I have gone through a lot over the past 9 years and I am glad that every Mountain and valley we’ve come across we’ve come out on the other side even stronger. Our life is filled with challenges but I am thankful that I have my best friend by my side being the man I dreamed of when I was a little girl. And now the real reason you are here, to enjoy the photos of us throughout the years, and yes there are 1,000 of our engagement photos and one of our wedding, thats elopement for ya!
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